QUICK HIT: The Argument-Free Marriage is one of the best marriage books I’ve read in a long time. It shifts paradigms and pulls down carefully and wrongfully held beliefs about marriage, presenting a brighter, more hopeful, but yes, more intense and difficult view of marriage. You can be argument-free!
People get flabbergasted when you tell them you don’t argue with your spouse. They assume that either a) you’re lying, b) you’re whipped, or c) you don’t know what an argument is. I’ve actually heard certified Christian counselors talk about the need to fight well within marriage.
It amazes them when I assure them, that yes, my wife and I do occasionally disagree (See, you do argue!) No, disagreement does not equal argument. (How do you decide who is right?!?!) Sometimes, we don’t need to. We can have our own preferences. Sometimes we defer our desires to the other because we desire the others’ happiness more than the thing we wanted. Hey, my restaurant preference isn’t really that important. Sometimes we just have to discuss things and come to an agreement or compromise. That’s not an argument.
The Argument-Free Marriage is set up to be a daily reader that you work through with your spouse. It is divided into 28 sections that progressively build on the previous discussion and end with practical discussion questions meant to draw you and your spouse closer together in relationship. Please note: this book will NOT work if you read it alone. The #1 key to an argument free marriage is a spouse who is onboard with you and walking with you hand-in-hand through life.
This book will teach you how to have a rational discussion of differences, how to talk about emotions without being controlled by them, and how to remain objective when things feel personal. As a pastor, this is getting added to my collection of premarital counseling must-reads.
Each chapter is a maximum of ten pages long, meaning that if you spend just 45 minutes with your spouse a night (just cut out after-dinner TV for a bit), you can be on the path to strengthening and repairing your marriage.
Each week also seems to have an overarching theme. Week one is introduction and setup. Week two is relationship building learning to love unconditionally. Week three governs your spoken words and family life. And week four is finances-focused. I honestly wish this had been a larger book. I know that Weaver can’t cover every major argument a couple has, but entries on disagreements over child-rearing, sex, and other family issues would have made this volume stand out even more.
The Argument-Free Marriage is one of the best marriage books I’ve read in a long time. It shifts paradigms and pulls down carefully and wrongfully held beliefs about marriage, presenting a brighter, more hopeful, but yes, more intense and difficult view of marriage. You can be argument-free!